what's been up with me

So I've been MIA a lot over the past few months. If I'm honest, I admit that I've fucked up all kinds of shit in my life lately in my own, well-intentioned but self-absorbed kind of way and have needed some time away to put things right again. It's easy to blame my shortcomings on the fact that I work two jobs and am perpetually stressed out, barely having time and energy enough for myself. It's even easier to blame the fact that one of my two jobs is incredibly emotionally draining, leaving me with little to give and a gaping hole to fill (and not in the nice way) when I come home. But, as with most things, the truth is more complicated.

I manage imbalance poorly. My inclination is to binge. I am seeking my center.

A few events have helped me put things into perspective:

1) My BFF Bosom Buddy and I took a well-deserved vacation and I was reminded of the importance of nourishing my whole self. I must be more attentive to the full range of my interests and desires. I like a lot of things. I know a lot of things. I should know more. When my instinct tells me to be curious, to explore, to roam, I should listen. I am a better partner, parent, teacher, and friend when I am taking care of myself first.

2) The cyclone in Myanmar, the earthquake in China, the violence abroad and here at home remind me of what I have and how much I should value it. In the grand scheme of things, my complaints are minor. I go to bed every night with a roof over my head, a full belly, and a loving and healthy family. By any reasonable measure, I am rich.

3) We are living in historic times. Everything is changing and changing fast. I think a lot these days about the shape of the world my daughter and my students will inherit. I have an opportunity every day to change lives and directly influence the future. So do you. When I went back to college in my twenties and wrestled with choosing my major, my father gave me one piece of advice: "Think Big."

I have come to the conclusion that the scope of my vision must be wider. I love my family, I love my students, I love my community, but more importantly, I love my species, my planet, my universe. I stand in awe every day of the range and depth and breadth of it and the miraculousness of my simple existence within it. I have a minute, a second, a breath to leave my mark. The time I waste fretting over my petty concerns and heartbreaks is time I don't spend working on leaving a better world behind than the one I was born into.

I love this forum, and love more that some of you actually think I have something of value to offer here. I've been neglecting my well-being and needed time to turn that around, but I want to be back here now, with you. I've even tidied up and slapped a fresh coat of paint on things! So let's all make sweet, perpetual love to the universe together, okay?

Starting with the winners from the Bacon Party!

1) Best bacon recipe: Spinning Girl, for her Bacon Pistachio Flatulence, which I plan to include as one of the side dishes at our Thanksgiving dinner this year.

2) Best bacon apparel: Kate, for her spectacularly adorable pictures of her n00d, bacon-y baby boy (which seem to have disappeared from the internets, likely because she doesn't want her beautiful son in therapy fifteen years from now saying, "my mother used to dress me in bacon").

3) Best bacon party game: Since there were no entries in this category this year, I declare the spectacularly beautiful Miss Kendra the winner, as she was physically present in my house on the day of the party and delighted every member of my household more than any game ever could.

Ladies, send me updated mailing addresses and you will receive your prizes posthaste.

Thanks to everyone who came to the party, and thanks to everyone who has stopped by during my absences. You guys fucking rock and I am lucky and grateful to know you.

Universe-humping commences....now.