hump day grabsack

1) Building on the proud tradition of men from the UK having sex with bikes, fences, and pavement, a man in Scotland was just arrested for pretending to have sex with a car. Wondering how that works, exactly? Or perhaps you just like to watch. Anyone else thinking of a certain someone right about now? (Via License Farm via Boing Boing.)

2) Speaking of perverts, R. Kelly's child porn trial is finally underway, and started off with a bang when jurors were shown the infamous video, which Cook County prosecutor Shauna Boliker described as containing, "Acts you have never seen before. Vile, disturbing and disgusting sex acts." Why's she gotta hate on the watersports enthusiasts like that? I'm not saying I'm in favor of peeing on thirteen year olds or anything (and in fact would like to go on the record as saying that I am categorically opposed to peeing on thirteen year olds), but the blanket condemnation strikes me as a bit over the top. I'm sure plenty of normal, law-abiding couples are peeing on each other in their private time and enjoying the heck out of it. There's no need to drag them down to R. Kelly's level. Also, I think Ms. Boliker underestimates the range of kinky shit with which jurors might be familiar - has she ever been on the Internet?

3) Unfortunately, in spite of the absurd ease of access to descriptions and depictions of all manner of sexual behavior on the 'net, we seem determined to deny our children access to accurate, nonjudgmental information about human sexuality. And what happens when instead of providing them with that information, we just tell them to save it for marriage? They go ahead and have sex anyway and/or their dads make them participate in weird rituals that freak me out a hell of a lot more than the thought of people peeing on each other.

4) You know what else freaks me out? Eating assholes. No, not rim jobs. Those are fun. But chocolate assholes? Really? There's a market for that? I mean, obviously there is, since the website's sold out, but really? You know what delights me, though? Flying penises. Okay, penises in general, too, but flying peen? ::swoons::

5) Alrighty then. I'm off to masturbate to pictures of the OLPC XOXO now. Sure, fine, $75 in 2010 seems absurdly optimistic, but whatevs. Negroponte's a visionary working for the betterment of humankind and I want to hump his computers. Judge me all you want.

(Thanks for the pic, Vic!)