1) Fuck. This. Shit.
Okay, so I read this article last night about how plastic surgeons are now marketing a package of plastic surgeries to post-pregnancy women, usually including, at minimum, abdominoplasty and a breast lift or augmentation. Each of those, on its own, is a major abdominal surgery, requiring significant recovery time, leaving extensive scarring, and costing a substantial amount of money. Paired, and packaged with additional procedures such as liposuction, we are talking about a serious surgical procedure. That could have complications. Some of which could kill you. And why? Because we have a cultural bias in favor of youthful, perky breasts and flat, stretch mark-free bellies?
Well, fuck you, plastic surgeons, and fuck you cultural bias, and fuck anyone who tells me that my big, saggy, spectacularly beautiful breasts and my big, soft belly are anything other than fabulous. I have given and received love with this body and I created, housed, and nourished my daughter with this body. It bears the marks of all of those things and they are beautiful. All bodies reflect the lives of the people who inhabit them. I would no sooner give up my scars than I would give up my memories.
If you've forgotten what women's bodies are supposed to look like, go here and immerse yourself a while. If you think there's something wrong with your post-baby body (like Julie, from the "Mommy Makeovers" site, who is quoted as saying that she "wanted to take back the effects of child bearing" like, oh, I don't know, having children), learn to accept the idea that this is what happens to bodies as they do what they were built to do. Learn to love what you have. My body may have been a hell of a lot tighter and perkier when I was in my twenties, but I know a hell of a lot more now about what to do with it. How about if, instead of getting a "mommy job," you take a romantic vacation with your significant other and spend it enjoying some other, much more pleasurable kinds of jobs.
2) Don't get me wrong, I'm not opposed to the idea of body modification. I mean, hell, I've pierced and tattooed my own body, and I've even entertained the thought of breast reduction surgery because of the upper back and neck pain caused by my giant knockers. But I think it's safe to say that some people go a little overboard. I find some kinds of modification enchanting, though, and there's one in particular that's left me speechless (totally NSFW). If you're a man who still laments his stolen foreskin, isn't it nice to know there's still hope?
3) There is not, however, even a shred of hope that the douchebag in chief will ever be able to speak extemporaneously without coming off like a complete fucking retard.
4) If all of this has been a bit much for you, I'm afraid I have no unicorn chaser but I can offer you this clip of Amy Sedaris getting Martha Stewart to say "bong water." So. Awesome.
5) If that doesn't do it for you, why don't you go curl up somewhere cozy, light some candles, and think happy thoughts. (Ohmygod, Sysm, how I've missed you.)
10/5/07
friday bouillabaisse
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
22 comments:
foreskins are too many.
"3) There is not, however, even a shred of hope that the douchebag in chief will ever be able to speak extemporaneously without coming off like a complete fucking retard."
Can't you come up with a word better than "retard"? Please? I'm a mom of a "retard", with plenty of body flaws.
http://www.jennaglatzer.com/pledge_to_stop_the_word_retard.htm
Just something to think about. I really like your rant and blog, so I don't mean to be an ass. I think the word "retard" is like the N word. It doesn't matter what or whom you are refering to; it could be offensive to genuinely good people.
I think we all throw a lot of words around that could be carelessly and thoughtlessly hurtful to someone. We don't mean it, but... I say, "What are you, crazy?" all the time, but to someone with a mental illness, that could really sting.
My sister had a baby with disabilities, who died at 18 months of age; the term "retard" still stings her, as well.
I don't know what to do about it except try. My father used to use "republican" as a general insult. He also used to tell us to "lock our doors, this is a republican neighborhood."
But I came here to comment on the body image thing. I don't know what to do about that, either.
I know quite a few mentally retarded people, and I can tell you without a doubt that Bush could not win a battle of wits with any of them. It's an insult to retarded people to put him on the same level with them. It's actually starting to border on insulting to the other douchebags in the world to compare him to them as well.
And in the words of the sometimes talented Billy Joel, "I love you just the way you are, Tits!" (I added the "Tits")
Bong water!
Okay, I'm home sick with a cold and was planning to just leave this thing be for the weekend, but I feel compelled to jump in now.
I don't ever use the epithet "retard" to refer to the developmentally delayed or mentally retarded (a term I dislike nearly as much as the PC replacement "intellectual disability"). I have been close friends with people who met the legal definition for mental retardation and each of them hated being grouped under any label, preferring to simply be considered individuals with their own, unique abilities, as all of us likely do. Many of the words we toss around thoughtlessly now, like moron, idiot, and imbicile, were once used commonly to refer to the mentally retarded. Do we eliminate those from the lexicon, too?
I use a lot of epithets here, and most of them are bound to be insulting to someone. That's kind of the point, though. I like reclaiming words. I feel it reduces their ability to do harm. I was called a "slut" often enough as a teenager that I chose to take it back to diminish its sting. If asked about my sexual orientation, I am much more likely to categorize myself as "queer" than as "bisexual," though I know gay people who take offense at its usage. I use "pussy" and "cunt" loosely and often, though I mean no disrespect to the holiest of holies. I refer to the blowhard, pro-war republicans who defend the president's policies but refuse to enlist as being a bunch of "little girls," though I am the mother of a little girl (who, for the record, is a force to be reckoned with). Words can hurt, for sure, but who among us can be summed up so simply? Anonymous' child is no more a retard than my daughter is a cunt. The asshat in the White House, on the other hand...
Oh, shit, that's an insult to asshats.
Look, I choose my words carefully. I have been called names that broke my heart. I recovered. I like the vernacular. Profanity pleases me. This is my forum and I maintain my right to be an equal opportunity offender in that respect. I welcome comments, and am pleased that Anonymous left hers. Bringing up the concern she did in no way makes her an ass (and I hope no donkeys or posteriors took offense at her usage of that word). It makes her a participant in a dialogue that I find necessary and important. So thank you, Anonymous, and thanks to Übie and Scarlet for weighing in, too.
Now I'm going to go back to the couch with my box of tissues and wait for the Cubs game to start.
Hehehehe. You said "box".
I love you.
What do I know? My boobs are sagging. Clearly, I am an inferior human being.
I must hie to the plastic surgeon immediately to restore my worth.
Tits McGee,
so you were saying that it's okay for us, men, to be out of shape and fat and will not hear any complaints from women too about our bodies?
Woot! About time! Now I can be a potato couch and 600 lbs fatso without worrying about any nags about my body from my girlfriend.
It's time for 50 doughnuts and half gallon of pepsi. Later!
Übie - Yes, I think it would be wise for you and Dilf to spend the money you're saving for the girls' college tuitions on your Mommy Makeover instead. Wouldn't want your girls to have to bear the indignity of having a mother with saggy boobs, would we?
Terry - Yeah, no. Clearly that's not even remotely what I was saying. While I am not and have never been a skinny person, I like to feel fit and in control of my body. I pay close attention to my diet and exercise regularly. I want to be healthy not just for myself but for my family. The point of my rant was that I think it is unconscionable that I should be made to feel that there is something wrong with this body I love and care for simply because it bears the marks of having carried and nourished my child. I am horrified that we as a culture view the post-pregnancy bodies of women as flawed to the point of requiring surgical intervention. If you think a logical argument can follow from that about the right of men to be fat and unhealthy without consequence, then I believe it's safe to say you missed the point. Surely you have the right to be a "potato couch" and weigh 600 pounds, just as your girlfriend has the right to kick your fat, lazy ass to the curb.
The tenor of this discussion is making me rethink my flippant attitude towards foreskin.
I heart you and your flippancy, baby.
Speaking of body modifications, my a friend's new wife was into ritualized branding (she's as caucasian as all get out BTW). Her entire back is covered by a large design, with the brands 2 - 4 inches thick, and raised about a 1/4 inch from the rest of the skin. Not much creep me out. But this did. Hope you are well Tits.
i like boobies and hate foreskins. And that tugger video made cringe.
I totally thought I posted,but I didn't.
Terry is an idiot. Oops. Sorry. I mean, Terry is obviously a mysoginist jerk who thinks that twisting a pro-feminist post into an anti-masculine post means he is making a valid point. He's not.
And he's an idiot.
About the word thing. Mmph. I work with the 'MR/DD' or 'developmentally disabled' or 'mentally retarded' or 'intellecually incapacitated' or whatever you want to call PEOPLE who happen to have a tougher time working through some things than others. And while I don't use the word 'retard' or say 'that's retarded', I certainly don't think we can go after a word. We give words too much power, and labels, too.
It's all kind of gay.
Watch me groooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww ....
watch me groooowwwwwwwwwwwwww ............
oh.
my.
TUGGER.
!!!!
Anyyhow ... I'm sort of sad that I clicked on every single one of those freaky body-mods. I was having a pretty good day before I knew about forehead inflation.
Oh, and loving the rant about mommies who don't want their bodies look mommified. I love the things our bodies do in our lives!!!
That's all.
Yo. Thanks for being the voice of reason in the mommy surgery moment. Sometimes I bloody well hate our cultural moment.
Fanboy - Yep. Creeped out. But, hell, it's her body, right? It's great to see you, sweetie. I so owe you a visit.
Jiggs - Really? It made me giggle. I heart boobies and foreskins.
Fritz - I. Love. You.
Spinnerina - You too, baby. Let's all make out. Oh, and sorry about the forehead inflation. That really was horrifying.
Postacademic - Squee! So good to hear from you! I suck for not coming to visit. Hope all's well in your corner of the world.
That stuff is tough to look at. I already cry everytime I watch porn.
Jamwall - Porn cries every time you watch it.
wish j boobs was as beeg as jus i like butt sex no psycho bitch ass gf
With regards to the issue of the acceptance of womens bodies the way they are... well said. I totally agree with you. Problems of self esteem and confidence are of epidemic proportions. Clearly, we as a society need to start accepting ourselves for who we are regardless of the programming we get from others.
With regards to the body modifications (tattoos, piercings)... personally, I find it very unattractive. I like to see the body in its simple, natural form.
Huge Tits Milf
Post a Comment