crap that shows up in my inbox

So aside from my twittering, I've pretty much completely dropped being Tits McGee. Yet in spite of my almost total neglect of this blog, I still get about 300 hits a day (mostly from perverts who could use some help honing their search terms or who haven't yet discovered Google Image search) and some of those people like to write to me. Here are a few recent missives.

1) Can i view more picture of your body

That one was sent via mobile text message. Imagine how disappointed the sender would be if I'd texted back some mobile pix of my cellulite, stretch marks, and hairy armpits. Mmm...sexting.

2) Greetings. Somehow I stumbled upon your site. Would you kindly enlighten me. Maybe there is some kind of generation gap--I'm almost 62--but I'm confused. Or maybe I just don't get it. You are beautiful. That much I understand. You are a teacher? If so, that's great. But then I see all the other stuff. "What's wrong with this picture?" as they say. Nothing wrong with any sexually-related stuff, but how can you mix that with teaching? Your students know of your site? Please...Tell me what I'm missing, Tits McGee.

Yes, I put the url on my syllabus each semester. Also, I am impressed with your ability to understand how beautiful I am given that the only pictures of me on this blog are of my boobs.

3) Sooooo...... the spouse is telling me about a girl where she works who's had a boob-job. She's saying they've been calling this girl "Tits McGee" and have now shortened the name to "McGee." She knows this is a familiar name and wants me to look up the origin on the internet. I jump on this and find the Anchorman reference pretty quick..... but guess what else I find .....YOUR BLOG PROFILE!!!

Your profile is interesting in many ways and brings to mind several questions. Here they are now:

1. Is that really a picture of you? If so, were you ever on TV in the 80's?

2. Were you really a slut? If so, don't you feel that you've retired a little early at 34?

3. Do you like questions from strangers? If so, do you like them have secondary questions embedded in them?

Please get back to me on these soon. I'm on a hunger strike until they are answered and, at 5'11" and 140 lbs.already, time is of the essence.

1) Yes, and yes. And now, in addition to this blog, I write books about how Jesus wants you to spank your children.

2) Yes, and yes, but adultery is grossbuckets so I'm SOL.

3) No, and no, yet here I am responding all the same, when I really ought to be taking advantage of my day off by catching up on grading papers.

You may be dead by now, given that you sent that email about a month ago. If so, I apologize. Also, I am compelled to note that you refer to your wife as "the spouse." Stay classy!

In other news, it's my birthday on Monday and I'm turning 35. I find this extraordinarily depressing and plan to run away to the big city the following weekend to hide in Bosom Buddy's apartment and smoke weed and giggle until I pass out. Send cake and porn.

pain don't hurt

RIP Patrick.

rip bea

Rest in peace, Bea Arthur, you glorious woman. Nothing will ever be the same without you.

::scampers back to hidey hole::

top five excuses for my extended absence, since some of you have been kind enough to inquire

1) I'm fucking exhausted. All the time. I work two jobs, one of which is as a third year, full-time teacher. I average about sixty hours of work a week.

2) And when I'm not working, I'm busy spending time with my completely awesome kid, who just turned five even though she was only born, like, two minutes ago.

3) Twitter is a twenty-dollar-a-blowjob whore, while Blogger is a high-maintenance mistress who demands reciprocity. Hence, frequent Twittering and infrequent blogging.

4) I re-opened my Facebook account about a month ago, and am starting to like being on the Internet as myself. Maintaining an alter ego can get weird after a while, psychologically.

5) Especially given that that alter ego has been so breathlessly involved in such a torrid affair. I've been crazy in love with you for years now. But, here, we show each other only the best of ourselves. I need to inhabit my life more fully. Taking a break to live in the realm of flesh and blood and tears and sweat and anger and heartache and ugliness seems like the healthy thing to do.

Will I be back? The truth is, I don't know. You are the sweetest, kindest lover, and I miss you. Perhaps when summer comes and spirits and responsibilities are lifted, I'll be back. Until then, you'll find me tapping out 140-character missives and sometimes lurking around your corner of the blogiverse, checking up on you from time to time, and hoping you are well.

happy valentine's day

top 15 latest searches

1) god loves tits party
2) teens with size 61 mmm tits
3) different ways of touching tits pictures
4) tits and ballet
5) tits the best
6) optimus prime porn
7) bea arthur's tits
8) markie post nipples
9) beautiful hard tits
10) wholesome tits
11) eat some titties
12) vote tits
13) grease pussy tits
14) hugenormous breasts
15) spinnerina bologna

the obamas are filthy perverts

Via Boing Boing.

the future

celebrate doctor king by serving your community

what i've done tonight instead of grading papers

1) Made a movie.

2) Laughed at the funny kitty.

3) Had a nerdgasm.

4) Went wild with jealousy. (Thanks, 'Coma!)

5) Buzzed with anticipation of tonight's Golden Globes. (No, not those golden globes, silly.)

resolved

1) I have the best job in the world, and need to start work on my master's this year so I can keep it. I got a handmade card from one of my students just before break started and this is what it said:

Dear Ms. McGee,

You are by far my favorite teacher, and really make math understandable. It was always my least favorite class, and now I love it, although some people in class get on my nerves/put me in a bad mood, I still like class because I know that if I have a question you'll answer it and help me get what I'm doing.

Thanks for everything you've taught me so far. You're amazing. Happy Holidays!

-Blonde Girl in First Row

I've gotten a few cards like this every semester I've taught so far, so I guess I must be doing something right. Not only will grad school help me be a better teacher and allow me to keep my license, it will also increase my salary, which is good, because...

2) I need to get my finances in order. Hubby and I are in tens of thousands of dollars of debt and can't afford to buy a house until we drag ourselves out of it. I've already cut up all but one of the credit cards, done one balance transfer, and called all of our card companies to negotiate lower APRs. We've moved our checking account to a credit union that pays interest on checking accounts. We're cutting out takeout, and are contemplating cutting out cable. I'm sick and fucking tired of living paycheck to paycheck and this is the year that it changes.

3) I need to get my house in order, too. We're a filthy bunch of packrats over here and it's got to stop. My parents were terrible housekeepers and now I'm passing that on to my kid and it's fucking gross. I can do better.

4) I need to stop the self-abuse, and I don't mean masturbating. If anything, I should probably do more of that. I mean overeating and not exercising enough. I love healthy food as much as I love naughty food, so it's high time to start letting kale and beans make sweet love in my mouth and kick the butter and bacon fat to the curb for a little while. Don't worry - my boobs are always the last place I lose weight. As for exercise, we got WiiFit from my in-laws for Christmas, which is cool, but what I really need to do is start getting up earlier in the morning to do a half hour of stretching or yoga in addition to whatever other exercise I do. As much as I'm not a morning person, I am so much more present in my body when I take the time to start the day right, and that helps me keep motivated to make healthy choices the rest of the day.

5) This last one's the hardest for me, because I've been saying forever that I wouldn't do it until I could get an electric car and I still can't, but I'm going to get my driver's license this year. We're still going to try to make it work with just one car, but an unexpected and terrifically unpleasant extra night in NH over the holiday convinced me that what's best for my family is for me to be able to drive. Now hopefully with the economy tanking and Obama in office, the affordable electric car may not be too far behind.

Tell me, what have you resolved to do this year?

happy new year!